The Truth About Me

Dear Friend,

I have had this letter on my heart for a while. I feel ashamed for holding on to it for so long. In truth, I was afraid. But I respect and admire you, and I appreciate our friendship, so I’m going to put it all on paper.

I am a deeply spiritual person.

As you probably already know, I was raised Christian - I went to a Christian school where “Bible class” was after math class and before Spanish class. I went to church with my family on Sundays. I tried so hard to be a good Christian.

But I wasn’t.

And because I couldn’t follow all the rules, I felt so much guilt and shame about so many things. So I started exploring other places to feel connected to something bigger than myself. I loved studying other religions! I thought Buddhism was fascinating, but I also researched Hinduism and read texts like the Quaran and the Tao. All interested me, but none moved me.

Then I walked into one of those “satanic/witchcraft” stores, as I knew them to be - you know the type I mean? Crystals, jewelry, oracle card decks, and weird figurines of horned gods and goddesses, all smelling like pungent spices. I returned again and again, taking it all in. I became interested in developing my intuition with tarot cards, the metaphysical qualities of pretty stones, and the energy in all things that connects all things. I returned to the earth, to the slow movement of the seasons.

I started spending more time in nature, with myself. I started asking myself questions about…what I actually believe. And the amazing thing is that I have discovered quite a bit! But the point of it is this: I still believe in the Bible in many ways, but I found peace on the Pagan path. I celebrate holidays that coincide with the equinoxes and solstices. I sit in a circle of candles and commune with the Infinite Spirit (another name for God, if you ask me). I believe we each have our own individual path that leads us to the Divine.

What is sacred is in us and we can’t be separated from it. I believe this is both a Biblical doctrine and a Pagan one. And I am both Biblical and Pagan. And I am so much more than that.

I realize that this probably sounds contradictory to most, so I just don’t talk about it, or I only talk about half of my beliefs. But I want to be known for who I am, not someone halfhearted or worse…fake.

Turns out that when I discovered the truth about me, I felt more free than I ever have and now I can’t force myself back into the mould I used to fill. I’m someone new, someone whole.

So that’s the truth about me. I was afraid to be myself. But I’m not afraid anymore.

I love you, Friend.

Sincerely, Alexandra Kay