Subscriber Letter: Healing Isn’t What I Thought

Dear Friend,

The past couple years I’ve heard the word healing, you hear it everywhere and as much as I thought I knew what it meant, I didn’t. I’m still learning what healing looks like, that it’s not linear.

Some days are filled with smiles, laughter and joy, only to come home and fall into bed crying. Some days you just can’t snap yourself out of the pain, it’s consuming, it’s tight, you can’t shake it off. Some days it’s all smiles and no tears. Some days you’re crying on a sunny day, where your mind is back in the past, and you feel it all over again. It’s like it’s on repeat. And you physically have to snap yourself out of it.

Healing isn’t what I thought, you can’t compare, you can’t pretend, you can’t forget, it’s living for each of the feelings rushing through you.

It’s letting the waves pour over you, and pushing through to the next moment, the next minute.

It’s praying every night with your dog and telling her “we are going to be okay” and fully believing it, even though it doesn’t feel like it.

That’s what healing is to me. And that’s ok.

- Anonymous Subscriber, baring her soul, weaving her stories, and healing through writing.