Get Angry to Heal
Dear Friend,
Remember that time you cried? And then you felt better? I did that once. Ok, more than once. But there was one time that was particularly memorable. It happened a few years ago - my husband and I fought HARD. There was arguing and yelling and then he left to go to work, leaving me to crumple to the floor. But it was different than expected. You see, in the past, I had been so afraid of losing my person (whoever I was dating at the time). I was afraid of them being mad at me. I was afraid of being alone. But this was different. I knew my husband and I loved each other, and I was beginning to trust that he wouldn’t just leave me over a silly argument. So this crumpling to the floor was different…
I got angry.
I got angry at him for not seeing my point. I got angry at him for leaving. I got angry at the dog, who sat by and just watched me unravel. I got angry at the carpet for being old. I got angry at the moon for hanging in the sky. I got angry at…myself.
I didn’t just crumple and cry. Oh, no. I crumpled and SCREAMED. I screamed so loud and so long, I exhausted myself. And when I had nothing left…then I cried.
This release of emotion was transformative, healing.
I read a quote once that said something like, “I sat with anger long enough for her to tell me her real name is sadness.” I experienced that exact thing. I finally allowed myself to get mad. And then I got sad. And then I grieved. I hadn’t realized how much I was holding on to from my past. Those feelings of fear and the tightness in my chest. I let it go. I let it all go.
I woke up the next day with little bruises around my eyes - I had screamed so hard that I burst the blood vessels. They were swollen from crying. But my chest felt lighter.
Of course, my husband and I made amends. And you know what? I don’t even remember what the argument was about.
But I do remember that the processing of it changed my life.
So get a little mad. Or get really fucking angry (and you’re smart: don’t do anything stupid, like hurt yourself or someone else). And get it out - don’t let it stay stuck inside you.
With love,
Your friend, Alexandra Kay
