Beginnings

Dear Friend,

Beginnings are funny things.

I am at the beginning of something in my life right now. The realization that I’m at the beginning has caused me to be very introspective:

Sometimes, beginnings are not all-at-once, but instead are long cycles of ebb and flow. It took me almost 5 years to begin this new chapter of my life. That is to say, the time between the end of my last chapter and beginning of this new chapter was 5 years. That’s a long time in between!

It was a time of transition. There was a distinct moment in which I chose to end the last chapter. I had experienced so much heartache in that chapter, so much hurt, that I gave up all the joy in that chapter in an instant. Just like that. The End.

Growth, Hope.

Everything after that was new - I had no idea who I was or what I was doing. It took an immense amount of effort to do anything in this new reality. I had to not do what I used to do and I had to learn what it was I should do now, in this new reality. I had to unpack the baggage of the past and make decisions about the future, all while trying to keep my head up in the present.

Amazingly enough, when you do something new enough times, it starts to feel normal, like you always knew how to do it.

And that’s where I am today. No longer in the in-between, but fully arrived, feeling like this is where I’ve always been. This is where the new chapter starts, this is the Beginning. With the wisdom I learned between chapters, I feel like, for the first time, I am the one writing my own story - I get to write the next chapter. I had to learn a lot, let go a lot, and breathe a lot, and I still do, but I feel…hopeful.

Dear Friend, I know you have been feeling discouraged and confused. I know you are familiar with grief. You are in the in-between. I see all your hard work, keeping your head up. I see your growth. Keep going! You are doing great! The pain will be replaced with hope, and you will know you’re at the Beginning.

With love,

Your friend, Alexandra Kay